Ruler of Wraeclast Pack

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CharanJaydemyr escreveu:

A little analysis...just a little.

The first line references what is currently Tipua Kaikohuru, soon to be renamed The Goddess Bound. She represents those early days of love, when everything is fast and perfect and almost-too-good-to-be-true.

The next few are about the sword's second form, The Goddess Scorned, when the warmth of attraction and the heat of lust turn into the uncomfortable fire of friction and flames of conflict.

Ruined or reborn? That's a matter of perspective. For Charan, it is as though he is no longer who he was, because of her. To her, who he was existed only to become who he is. Perhaps in context that refers to the fact that this is not an item you can just pick up and use. You really have to build for it. This isn't that obvious with the first form alone...

The last few lines are what happens if that which you love is not a person but a sword, when the role of wielder and weapon is inevitably reversed.

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CharanJaydemyr escreveu:

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Daijanus escreveu:

6th: Just a poetic note: i would change "sing" --> "song"

I agonised over this! I researched whether 'sing' is grammatically legitimate in context (it is, but it's a big weird).

I'll be strongly debating (with myself) if I should rework those last two lines, because 'song' is definitely preferable to me.

But if you can 'look at her go!' you can definitely 'listen to her sing'.

"

Daijanus escreveu:

Spoiler

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CharanJaydemyr escreveu:

"

Daijanus escreveu:

6th: Just a poetic note: i would change "sing" --> "song"

I agonised over this! I researched whether 'sing' is grammatically legitimate in context (it is, but it's a big weird).

I'll be strongly debating (with myself) if I should rework those last two lines, because 'song' is definitely preferable to me.

But if you can 'look at her go!' you can definitely 'listen to her sing'.

The last two lines I would reconsider and I now since I am more awake than yesterday I got why you struggled.
Also in the 4th line the first part you got too less syllabing to sound "correct". Or my english tricks me into thinking so, but if i read it aloud It seems to me there is something missing.

Too quick she took my hand, too happy to be bound,
She raised my hopes too high, then razed them to the ground.
Her lust burned into boredom, then simmered into scorn,
This one is very very nice so far.

What I deemed as ruined, she simply declared reborn.
Maye go for: What I deemed to be ruined, she simply called reborn. (?)

Now I am the nothing, that unleashed Her everything,
My words have lost all meaning, as I listen to her sing.

My first attemp at thees two lines (if you dont mind):

Now I am all the nothing, causing all her bright
My words have lost all meaning, her singing - all my might.

"

CharanJaydemyr escreveu:

A little analysis...just a little.

The first line references what is currently Tipua Kaikohuru, soon to be renamed The Goddess Bound. She represents those early days of love, when everything is fast and perfect and almost-too-good-to-be-true.

The next few are about the sword's second form, The Goddess Scorned, when the warmth of attraction and the heat of lust turn into the uncomfortable fire of friction and flames of conflict.

Ruined or reborn? That's a matter of perspective. For Charan, it is as though he is no longer who he was, because of her. To her, who he was existed only to become who he is. Perhaps in context that refers to the fact that this is not an item you can just pick up and use. You really have to build for it. This isn't that obvious with the first form alone...

The last few lines are what happens if that which you love is not a person but a sword, when the role of wielder and weapon is inevitably reversed.

"

DirkAustin escreveu:

Frostmourne!